It’s difficult to know how to start this post. Do I write about what equality means to me? Do I discuss what I think about today’s feminism in general? Where do I begin that will naturally segue into the horrifying post I read this morning?
I don’t know. What I do know, is that I feel incredibly sad.
As a trauma therapist with a great deal of longitudinal experience working with adults wounded and damaged in childhood; as a mom having raised two natural daughters and one “borrowed” girl, and as ‘Oma’ to five beautiful boys (the “Opasons”) I am grieved to the point of tears to read how – and why – Jody Allard is emotionally, psychologically, and cognitively abusing her sons in the name of ‘feminism.’
We know from the extensive studies on childhood trauma (Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris et al) and the ongoing data collected through use of the Adverse Childhood Events (ACEs) assessment, that children subjected to chronic abuse – of ANY form – suffer measurable negative impact for all their adult lives, physically, mentally, and psychologically. Yet someone like Ms Allard, in the name of and for the advancement of an ideology is permitted to perpetuate her consistent and intentional demeaning and dismissal of the integrity of her boys because of their gender …and to write about it with impunity.
These boys have done nothing. In fact, their mother says what great boys they are in the first few lines of her post. Then she proceeds to utterly destroy their worth as human beings because of their gender. According to Ms Allard, ALL men are unsafe, and she feels emotionally vulnerable in her own home with her own sons who, by her own admission, to this point have done nothing except be male.
Men are not hard women. Women are not soft men. Equality does not now, nor has it ever meant “the same.” For a few years in the 80s & 90s, I considered myself a feminist a lá Gloria Steinem – women need to be treated with dignity and respect, paid the same for the same jobs, should be able to access the same levels of leadership, status, and power as men; you know, “..the equality and full humanity of women and men.” Of course – this is a no brainer. I still believe and promote these ideals and values. But I left feminism as a movement a long time ago and would reluctantly identify as a feminist now, if asked. Maybe I’d identify as a humanist first. I’m for humans. All of them. The current wave of feminism doesn’t want equality, it wants more. It’s proponents demand special treatment, impunity for demeaning & dismissive behaviour towards other human beings, and that all feminists rally to the battle cry, “Men are evil & the source of all women’s problems.”
Falling back again on my experience of 30+ years as a therapist, men and women are equally capable of being evil, wretched, violent human beings. (There’s equality for you) Both genders objectify, sexualize, and degrade human bodies. Women do this just as much as men do, they just do it differently …and on the “winning” side of that equation, women do this to, and about, male AND female bodies.
The demand that genders be homogenous; thinking alike, acting alike, and responding alike is horrible. I LIKE men. I’m glad males exist and that they are not like women. Wait. I am getting sidetracked from the original point of this post. *steps down folds up soapbox*
To characterize half the planet’s human beings as unsafe solely because of gender is a level of hatred that says way more about Ms Allard than it does about men or feminism, even in its current state. Misandry is just as vile as misogyny, and the presence of one pathology does not justify the other. The two boys growing up in Jody Allard’s orbit are already two strikes down; they are male, and they are evidently not completely sold on their mother’s efforts to make them (her version of) “emotionally safe.” The post makes it clear that one of the her sons is certainly not meeting her expectations. His immediate choices are limited. Conform for mom’s approval, or keep his reservations and be labelled part of the “problem” …as identified by Ms. Allard. Sadly, her misguided, and quite frankly, abusive parenting will probably mean her boys don’t have much hope of being healthy partners for any woman without a LOT of therapy.
Ms Allard’s post is here